To my teammates, to understand me better

I began this reflection shortly after I heard the news that the Iowa State women had lost to Iowa, missing out on even a game-to-go. This is the most talented team ISU has ever had, yet they didn’t do as well as the previous year at regionals. I had to miss regionals, so could only speculate on what might have happened and how it would impact the team I am in the process of creating. It made me think about motivation, leadership, and responsibility. It made me think about the first year of CLX, the year of the lost games to go. It took me weeks to mentally recover, and I know some of the girls are going through that. I’ve seen this team struggle with motivation, leadership, and responsibility throughout the year, and given that a large chunk of them are on Small Rackages and that some of the others may not know me well enough to know where I stand, I thought I’d put my thoughts out there.

Motivation
I’ve always had dual motivation when it comes to Ultimate. The first motivation is individual- I want to win, and I want it bad. I want to beat my girl (or guy), I want to get poach Ds, I want to MAKE the team win. I want that disc and will do anything to get it. This helps me in practice, in sprints (if there are others), and especially in games. Sometimes it has been an “I’ll show them attitude”, other times it is simply love of plastic- I LOVE playing Ultimate and rarely forget that. I think the girls on the team already have that attitude. Sprints are harder because I don’t love them. If I can think ahead to the time I WILL beat my opponent, that helps, but often I do them for the second reason: my team. My team is counting on me, and I love them enough to do it for them. I want to BE a motivator for others because sometimes I need a little outside motivation. It could be Huckett saying, “Yeah, let’s sprint tonight!" (and I swear she is actually excited to do it) or “C’mon we can finish this" (and I know I wouldn't without her), it may be Lana being crazy on the sideline and loving her for it (putting a smile on my face after a shit throw I made), it may be Savage telling me what she sees and being in awe that she would share with me how to be a better player while still thinking I’m pretty okay despite all my short comings. But what is important in me is wanting to be motivated, and allowing my teammates to bring me up. Many girls see me as a motivator and are ready to let me motivate them, but sometimes seem to resent it from others. One thing that keeps me ready to be motivated is the strong belief that my team is working hard and simply wants me to play my best. They think I’m pretty okay and whatever they say or do is an attempt to make me better. Some people may call this a positive attitude. I've seen it happen on teams where everyone is waiting on someone to light the fire, but each individual seems to have wet themselves down and gotten into the worst part of the wind, making the fire difficult to start. Motivation is often about making yourself good tinder for the fire- if you can't find it in yourself, you are seeking to find that spark in someone else and you are ready to pass it on to each and every teammate.

Leadership
I seem to slip into leadership roles because I’m loud and intense. I love being in charge and running the show. Everyone wants a leader, and I think teams play better under strong leadership. The leader isn’t necessarily the best player on the team, and that is something the college girls especially need to see. I have been the best player on a team before, but only for the first couple years when the Iowa State women were still learning the game, which means I haven’t been the best for 3 or 4 years. People still follow me. A leader has a vision, a leader listens, and a leader is in charge of unifying the team. Vision is important so the team knows where they are going and when they are making mistakes. It MUST be discussed and leaders must listen to achieve unification. A leader cannot be effective unless followed, and a leader worthy of being followed must be respected. If you have respect for the person and their position, you must be willing to follow- that means shut up when they are talking and LISTEN to what they are saying. Don't mutter under your breath after they say something and don't talk behind their back. That isn't just rude, it is undermining the entire team. Saying there is a leader implies followers- followers have responsiblity, too. Leadership doesn’t have to be my style, loud and in your face, but can be a way of being, an attitude, an example. It is a trickle-down effect, and even the follower of one can be the leader of another. I am hoping to be a good leader, and think I have some qualities that make it possible. I think a leader’s greatest duty is to try to help her teammates become the best they can be. In the past, my biggest challenge has been appropriate delegation of tasks and responsibilities so that I can still be an effective player myself while bringing out the best in everyone else, as well. I am hoping with this team that we have such strong players, such willing attitudes, that my job will be easier, allowing me to play and lead better than ever. And a Sheldahl leading with me won't be too shabby, either.

Responsibility
This is the toughest one. Who is responsible for getting you in shape? Who was responsible for that last score? Who’s FAULT was it that we lost? That we won? If you’ve played with me, you’ve heard me say it, “Sorry, my bad!” Sometimes it's true, sometimes it isn't. Usually it is a combination, and what I really mean is, "I think I could have done more; I'll try harder!" I think it is important to learn from mistakes by taking responsibility for them and knowing how to fix them. This isn't to say each throw, each fake, each cut must be overanalyzed, but when the TEAM starts making mistakes, figuring out what each individual can do to correct them. Even further, to take responsibility for unmistakes: you didn’t do anything wrong, but did you do everything you could? Were you active on the sidelines? Did you run the sprints and do the time outside of practice 2 and 3 months ago? When you saw someone make a mistake, did you try to give them constructive criticism? When that girl threw the disc away, where were you? When your teammate got scored on, where were you? This is a team sport with individual responsibility. Losses aren’t attributed to a single player, they are attributed to a team. Likewise wins. Being a part of that team means doing everything that is right for the team. If the game starts to go south, who is responsible for turning things around? You are. I am. She is. You have to evaluate what you are doing and TALK with the team about what is happening. You have to be READY to do what your captains say is necessary and most of all, you must believe that everyone is doing all they can. This is part of the motivation and positive attitude that is necesary not only for team success, but to not be a bitch in general. If you are personally doing your best, your job isn’t done. You have to try to find a way to help everyone else do their best, too.

It seems to me that I keep seeing these girls want some one to motivate, to lead, to hold them responsible, but my philosophy is it has to come from within. Your team is there to help you when you slip, but you have to be ready to let them help you and ready to help each other when the time comes. When you need me, I’m there for you. When I don’t want to do that last sprint tonight, I’ll be thinking of you and doing it for you.